The cardinal rule of writing: write with people not abstractions. Write about people doing something, saying something, feeling something.
Check out the subject of the sentence, and if it is not a person or some human agency (the Chicago Cubs, the federal government etc.) , see if you can write it with a person. Stories are about people doing things. Make your sentences about people.
The selection came down to the University of Texas , Louisiana State University, Baylor University, Texas Christian University, Texas A&M and Arkansas.
No person or agency is the subject above. An abstraction or a concept noun is the subject: the selection. Have either a person or a human agency as a subject of the sentence:
He had to choose from University of Texas , Louisiana State University, Baylor University, Texas Christian University, Texas A&M and Arkansas.
Or
Five schools recruited him: University of Texas, Louisiana State University, Baylor University, Texas Christian University, Texas A&M and Arkansas.
The issue he faced was…. Don’t tell us about issues. Just tell us what happened.
The sting of his racism still echoed around the chapel in the surprised glances of those who knew him best.
He had been a racist all his life. We were surprised at all those brown faces in the funeral crowd.
The distinctive sounds of an accordion and scrub board, accompanied by the vibrating rhythm of the drums and a bass guitar, fill the room.
Don’t let the sounds fill the room. Show us the musicians playing the instruments. Have people doing things in your writing.
Active vs. Passive voice
They are occasionally approached by adoring fans, who insist on giving an encouraging word and a handshake before departing. (passive)
Their fans insist on shaking hands and giving them encouraging words. (active)
Sometimes passive voice is useful, but stick with active voice wherever possible. Eventually you will sort out the exceptions, which are rare, as when the receiver of the action is more important than the actor.
John F. Kennedy was killed by an unknown assassin today.
About direct address
If you look at all the stories we have been reading, you will almost never see direct address in them. Direct address is the way I am writing now. I am writing to “you.” That’s fine for instructional purposes. But not in literary journalism. Or hardly in journalism at all.
Phrases to eliminate
The fact that..,.
However, therefore, furthermore, henceforth, moreover
Adjectives: typical, ordinary, genuine, unique, unusual, complete, enjoyable
The worst adjective of all: typical. Typical means the writer isn’t going to write with details. The writer wants the reader to fill in the details. A lazy word. Ban it from your writing.
Adverbs: apparently, ironically, fortunately, unfortunately, really, very, definitely, drastically, nicely, completely, merely, actually, painfully
See the passage on William Zinnser below.
The worst adverb of all: eventually. It means the writer isn’t going to say when the thing happened. Eventually can mean just about anything.
It is, There is…
Type, as in a Jackson-five-type ensemble, or other kinds of adjective phrases.
Wise, as in weather-wise, and other tv locutions
Appositives
Appositives are a way of sticking information into a sentence instead of finding the logical place for it. Don’t use them.
Jake, a Houston native, was 17 years old when he enlisted
Parts of the body doing things
His small hands gripped the edge of the podium
He gripped the edge of the lectern with small hands
Words
The podium is the box that speakers stand on. The lectern is the reading stand on which the speaker places books and papers.
Don’t mingle background with attribution (Write the background in a separate sentence)
“I come out because of the music,” said Roger Lavergne, a 77 year-old JAX regular who drives over 40 miles from Texas City to JAX every Saturday.
Style
1950s, not 1950’s.
but ‘50s, ‘60s. The apostrophe stands for 19.
Gulf Coast, South Texas, North Texas, the South, the Depression. Capitalization is diffcult, and sometimes arbitrary.
Adjective phrases that take hyphens: over-the-shoulders vest, a five-piece band,
all right, never alright
